But how are you really doing?

People have been very gentle with us.  But we have been asked this question enough times, in enough ways, that I am sure most of you are thinking something like this.

Its hard to explain.

Neither of us is very good at having a public face that is different from who we are.  Sure, there are different things we may say (or not say) depending on who we are with, but our conversation typically comes out of who we are and what we are thinking about.  We’ve always been pretty honest here on the blog – sure, we polish it a bit, and work to communicate it in a way that a broad audience can understand, but it has usually been a good representation of what we are experiencing.  That hasn’t changed.

There aren’t many days where I don’t shed some tears – some days more, some days less.  I get kind of morose in the evenings when I am tired, and start to dwell on my pain – but that is usually around bedtime, and when I realize its happening, I’m able to just go to sleep.  I do a whole lot of nothing, because simple tasks and social interactions are exhausting.


I can see signs of life, though.  I’m able to do just a little more before I am knackered.  I’m able to focus and read things.  I’m curious about things; I am learning.

Being outside is good for my soul, and I’ve been able to get out into “real nature” nearly every day.

I’m mostly able to choose coping mechanisms that are good and healthy instead of ones that are destructive.  I won’t speak too much for Mike, but I will say that the same is mostly true for him.

And we are doing OK.  Mike & I are drawing towards each other and not away.  We are giving each other space to grieve differently and to heal differently, but also spending time together.  Doing our best to be kind, gracious, patient, and forgiving towards one another.  Not shying away from sharing our stories and memories, be they funny or sad (most of them are both).  We’re looking at the future, and starting to consider some ideas.

We are not putting up a good front, or trying to be strong for anybody else.

We are strong.

8 thoughts on “But how are you really doing?

  1. Everyone grieves in their own way, I wish there was a magic wand where I could make it better for you both but there is not. I have a very close friend who has been through this has told me you never get over it but you learn to live with it. Time will help you heal & cope, your love for one another & your faith. There will always be triggers through out your life & your friends, family & aquaintaces will be there if you need a hand or a shoulder, just ask. In the mean time remember to breathe, take whatever time you need & the heck with anyone who can’t get onto that. My thoughts are always with you both, love & hugs always,

    Audrey Herbert

  2. You are strong and God will see you through this time in your life when things seems to be so hard. I have thought of you much and prayed for you often. Take care of yourselves. Love Sonya Moss

  3. Thoughts and prayers… and you know we love you both right?!
    A smile for you today… (so, the next time you are on this side of the Rockies)
    I have been blessed with a new recipe for ‘baked’ French Toast and bacon, lots and lots of bacon!!
    It will put a whole new meaning in “GOOD Morning!!”
    Our door is always open. Love you heaps!!
    Dave & Joan

  4. Thank you for your faithfulness to communicate so clearly, and so well. I am honored that you are willing to share so honestly with us. I’m glad you are strong. God is good–all the time, even in the hard and sad times. love to you both. Shauna

  5. Thanks for your updates and for inviting us into this process with you guys. Thank you for your honesty and not “putting up a front.” This is one of the many things we love so much about you guys. Courage and strength!

  6. Great to hear how things are going. Been in our prayers. Remember we are always here for yas.
    Hugs to you both… Love yas!!

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