We are spending some time in Europe on our way back to Canada. We are debriefing, visiting, and resting.
I have a strange life.
I have many moments where I catch myself, stand back, and think, “My life is really weird.”
Sometimes it is because I am totally bewildered, and have no idea how I ended up in this moment or how to move forward. Sometimes, it is because some very strange set of circumstances has collided so that I find myself in the midst of an awesome experience, and I stop to be grateful for the privilege.
In the last months, we have been in some beautiful places. I have had those moments, where I have nearly stopped and thought, “My life is really weird. This is awesome” Each time, my brain has stopped itself before the thought has been entirely completed, interrupting itself with a second thought, “But I wouldn’t be here if my daughter hadn’t died, so really, there is nothing awesome about this situation.”
On Easter Sunday I was walking through the woods, and my brain started this same thought. (I was walking through the woods, in Denmark, near the ocean. Where we were staying with friends at a seaside cabin for the Easter weekend. I’m sure you can see how the thought was sparked.) This time, though, as my brain started arguing with itself that I don’t really appreciate the amazing set of circumstances that has brought me here, there was another argument – that even so, even given the pain that we have been through, it is still awesome that I get to heal with such good friends – in such a beautiful place. I never would have imagined myself wandering through the woods near the Danish coastline – but here I am, and it is awesome.