Its been about two months since recognizing that I was at/on my way to disaster, physically, mentally, & spiritually. I have made some adjustments to allow myself to recover:
I’ve let go of a lot of “shoulds.” There are so many of them, and I don’t necessarily think that they are bad. (ie, I should go play soccer with the students because it is good relationship-building time and it might be fun. OR I should spend my whole day at that wedding where I don’t understand anything thats going on, because culturally everyone goes to everything.) But when it has been an activity that is exhausting for me, or if I am already worn out, I have let these things go.
I have let go of things that are really not my responsibility. For example, when the water on base gets too low for our drinking water filter to work, someone has to make sure that the people living on base have access to drinking water. But that someone doesn’t necessarily have to be me.
I’ve been eating a lot of salsa.
I have been pouring myself into things that are lifegiving, like teaching & mentoring for the staff internship and the staff fundraiser.
(I’ve been using scrabble tiles a lot. They have been a great tool for processing: a fun way to draw out thoughts. I’ve also been using them as a way to focus in my prayer times.)
When my schedule has been very full on the evenings and/or weekends, I have taken time to relax during the day. (And tried hard not to feel guilty about it.)
It is working. I am starting to be able to get a whole nights sleep a few times a week. Most mornings when I get up I am not dreading the day and only looking forward to the evening. I don’t think that I am entirely back to my usual self/capabilities yet, but I can see that things are getting better! Thanks for all your support and encouragement.