Wow, it is hard to believe that we have been here for almost a year.  We have been reflecting on our time here, and many of the important things that have happened, have happened not through our structured work but simply through living here.

One important thing has been helping to encourage our friend Celestin.  He has been working out of the city pioneering a preschool among returning refugees: we started sending him text messages once a week or so to say “Hi, how are you?”  It doesn’t take much time and isn’t a big deal, but he says, “NO, it IS a big deal!” because to him it means that he is not forgotten; that he is not working alone.

Josephine runs a small business selling cloth and making clothes.  She has been wonderful, because she speaks great English, and when I was introduced to her she explained, “I am a Christian, so I run my business like that.  I won’t trick you into paying more; I will give you fair prices.”  And she does.  Sometimes bargaining is fun, but sometimes haggling over every penny, all the time gets exhausting, so it is refreshing to have someone I can trust to buy things from and to help me know the right prices for things.  She came to a presentation about the outreach to South Sudan and came up to me after saying, “You are a REAL Christian, I didn’t know mzungus could be REAL Christians!”  (!?!)  I want to say 2 things about this: First, she deals with a lot of mzungus at her market stall, and I have been ashamed at the way I’ve seen some people treat her.  Second, to her, being a real Christian means being kind and caring for the people around you, living with honesty and integrity, praying, and caring for the needy (especially orphans & widows).  I am thankful for her friendship, her prayers, and what I am learning from her.

Many of you probably remember our laundry debate.  In the end, we hired Florence to come and do our laundry once a week, for about $5/week: it takes her about an hour.  (On a comparison scale, many people doing jobs like this get payed $50/month for full time work).  She is a mother of 2 and someone who lives with HIV/AIDS, and has had a very difficult life.  (A team was here last year and documented her story: you can see  it here.)  I have seen a huge transformation in her in the last year!  When she first started, she was afraid of us, and wouldn’t look us in the eye, and she rarely smiled.  (Part of this is because of her hurts/inferiority, and part is because she hasn’t had much interaction with mzungus.)  When she comes in the morning, she waits shyly outside our door.  Throughout this year, several things have happened: through the visits of teams and counsellors,  she has forgiven some of the hurt that has been done to her.  APRECOM has also helped her by giving clothes for herself and her family.  And we have been persistent in our attempts to communicate and be kind.  I realized that a huge change had taken place when I returned after 2 months away: when she saw me, she broke out in a huge smile and ran into our place to hug me!  I was taken aback and so excited!

We don’t want to leave Florence without a way to support herself when we leave:  there are plans for her to start her own business.  It will take about $150   $125 more to complete what she needs, and you can read more about that here.  (Through your generous donations, Florence will be able to start her business!!)

It has been incredible to see what has come out of the plans and programs we have been involved with during the last year.  But it is also great to recognize that we can have an impact through our normal, daily lives!  (And this is true wherever we are, but it seems here there is much opportunity to re-present the character of Christ(ians) and especially people from the west.)

Remember the jewelry we gave away earlier in the year?  Made by people with HIV/AIDS and widows  as a way of generating some income? (We have written before about Odeth & the APRECOM ministry, so I won’t repeat it again here.)  Well, start thinking of people on your Christmas list, because we have some unique and cheap items! We have some specific items for sale, and there may be more posted as items are brought into the shop.  If you click on the pictures, you will see a larger, more detailed picture. (I am not sure how popular this will be, if there is a lot of interest, I will get more items up.)  If you are interested in a piece, please comment below, along with which piece you want.  (First commentor on a specific piece will be able to have “dibs.”)   There are a few multiples, or a few things in different colors: there are some pictures at the bottom of more that is available but not reserved, if you see something you like in these pictures, let me know and I can send you a picture/more information. All prices have been converted to dollars (I’ll take American or Canadian).  I am hoping to see most of you before Christmas (YAY!) and we can deliver your order then, but if we won’t be seeing you, we can work out shipping.

Purple hoop earrings, about 2.5 inches long
$6

dangling shiny earrings, about 3 inches long
$9

Black hoop earrings, about 2.5 inches long
$6

Green circle earrings, about 3 inches in diameter
$6

Wood/plastic beaded bracelet,
$9
(ring not for sale )

shell bracelet
$9

Coloured bead bracelet
$9 (SOLD)

same bracelet, different view

“RWANDA” bracelet
$9 (SOLD)

Black & white beaded bracelet, $9 (SOLD)

If you are interested in something in one of these 3 pictures, let me know and I will try to get a better picture of the item and or/more information. (Click on the picture to enlarge.)

Sales will close on Oct. 20.

This past spring, I (Mike) was privileged to work with some friends of ours who set up a camp/conference during the week of mourning in Rwanda. Their ministry (called ‘Hagari’ the kinyarwandan name for Hagar) involves working on a daily basis with women who have been (or still are) involved in prostitution as a means of making a living.  (These are the same ladies we have done cooking lessons with.) They work to convince these women that there is a better way to live and to bless them with the dignity they deserve as cherished children of God and women of value. They also help those who desire to leave the lifestyle to find work and learn skills that will give them opportunities for alternate employment.

So, during the mourning week, the country stops everything and gathers together to remember, learn, grow, and grieve the trauma of the genocide in 1994. Our friends felt inspired to have a conference of teaching, food and fellowship. They hoped it would be a blessing to the women because often the grieving becomes unhealthy brooding in isolation.  They wanted to bring healthy grieving in the midst of fellowship and community.  The women have children that they bring with them to the functions of the ministry.  So in the afternoons, after teaching and food, the kids would come from the home/ministry base to the large soccer field at the YWAM campus (where we live).

I asked if I could help with the kids activities and was soon drawn into the afternoon play. Monday, the first day, there were about 115 kids who showed up with their mothers. By Wednesday, there were about one 180 kids altogether (word spread fast that there was free food and organized play).  By Friday, the last day of the conference, there were over 220 kids playing games with us! I was astounded to see that many kids in one place, filling up an entire soccer field!

I was given some time over the course of three days to teach three new games for them to play. Fortunately, my translator was very patient and willing to demonstrate (in an exaggerated fashion) the actions of the games. We ended up playing the same three games each day because the learning curve was pretty steep in such a mob and because, as most who have young children know, they can play the same game umpteen times and still never tire of it!

As with anything involving that many children, the activities would inevitably break down into chaos where the only thing I could explain to them to play (mostly through body language and my poor kinyarwandan) was a game I later named ‘chase the mzungu’.  (‘Mzungu’ is a word that typically means foreigner or white guy.)  After things broke down into small groups doing random things: playing soccer, Frisbee, jump rope, cartwheels, etc. I would be mobbed by 30 to 40 kids who wanted to touch my arms or beard (because I look very different).  I would then shout something to distract their attention and then bolt to the other end of the field…trailed shortly thereafter by fifty or sixty shouting 8-12 year-olds. They would catch/mob me and eventually the process would start all over again, each time the kids becoming more wary and ready for my escape. All in all a fun and exhausting way to spend the afternoon!

One side effect to all this fun, was the mothers became interested in the games. Typically the adults leave the kids to entertain themselves and don’t engage in much play with their children.  By Wednesday the women were hurrying to finish lunch cleanup so they could get to the soccer field and join in the games we were playing. They got to enjoying it so much, that I received stories of the ladies talking about it for the next two weeks! It was so encouraging to see the kids (who already smile and laugh easily) and the women (who smile some and laugh less) enjoy themselves so much at the games. I think I witnessed first hand what Isaiah 61 describes Jesus is about:  proclaiming good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming freedom for the captives, comforting all who mourn, bestowing on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

Last week we had the chance to visit our friend Celestin. Celestin works in southwest Rwanda (on the border of Tanzania), in a community of people who fled Rwanda between ’59 and ’94, and have come back at different times. There has been varying amounts of support from the government and foreign NGO’s, many lived in tents for many years before they received a more permanent mud hut. Celestin runs 2 preschools with about 25 children in each school. We visited to encourage him and remind him he is not forgotten out in the village.

Celestin teaching

We sat in on the class!

While we were there, he took us to a refugee camp. Because of the situation in the Congo, Tanzania has kicked out many Rwandans who have been living there for upwards of 50 years. Many of the children we met, and even their parents, have never lived in Rwanda, and yet they were forced to leave their lives and everything they own (for a country they or their parents had been forced out of because of violence).

the kitchen: each family cooks for themselves

I’ve never been in a refugee camp before, and this was honestly better than I expected (each family had a space, and they had water & washroom facilities), and yet it would be unimaginable to find myself there. As soon as we arrived, a little boy of about 3 attached himself to me (a very, very cute boy). It was his family’s place that we ended up visiting, with his twin sister, older sister, mom, and 5-day-old baby sister. Once this family arrived at the camp, the father returned to Tanzania to retrieve some of their belongings and cattle, and was killed by thieves. So this newly-widowed young woman gave birth in a refugee camp.

We had no words.
So we prayed for her, and played with the little boy.
We came home and convinced the team that is leaving soon for outreach that they should spend some time there, talking with people, helping them carry water, doing whatever they can. There is no programs at all for the children yet, and so at least to do some kind of children’s program: they flocked to us while we were there, and were very excited when Celestin started an impromptu class. (Many of the parents were also entertained.)

the kids followed us everywhere

We were there for 3 days, and oh, were we thankful to return to the relative comfort of Kigali. But we won’t forget those we met and those who, almost 20 years after the genocide ended, find their lives turned upside down again by the consequences.

Its been about two months since recognizing that I was at/on my way to disaster, physically, mentally, & spiritually.  I have made some adjustments to allow myself to recover:

I’ve let go of a lot of “shoulds.”  There are so many of them, and I don’t necessarily think that they are bad.  (ie, I should go play soccer with the students because it is good relationship-building time and it might be fun. OR I should spend my whole day at that wedding where I don’t understand anything thats going on, because culturally everyone goes to everything.)  But when it has been an activity that is exhausting for me, or if I am already worn out, I have let these things go.

I have let go of things that are really not my responsibility.  For example, when the water on base gets too low for our drinking water filter to work, someone has to make sure that the people living on base have access to drinking water.  But that someone doesn’t necessarily have to be me.

I’ve been eating a lot of salsa.

I have been pouring myself into things that are lifegiving, like teaching & mentoring for the staff internship and the staff fundraiser.

DTS staff use scrabble tiles to evaluate how the school is going

(I’ve been using scrabble tiles a lot.  They have been a great tool for processing: a fun way to draw out thoughts.  I’ve also been using them as a way to focus in my prayer times.)

When my schedule has been very full on the evenings and/or weekends, I have taken time to relax during the day.  (And tried hard not to feel guilty about it.)

It is working.  I am starting to be able to get a whole nights sleep a few times a week.  Most mornings when I get up I am not dreading the day and only looking forward to the evening.  I don’t think that I am entirely back to my usual self/capabilities yet, but I can see that things are getting better!  Thanks for all your support and encouragement.

The staff fundraiser went VERY well.  Mike spent 2 days in the kitchen with various helpers, and despite my concerns about not having enough, we had about twice as much food as we needed!  (There were around 110 people, including about 30 from the base!)

We showed a video created by one of the staff that shows the effects of various ministries on the base.  I shared, challenging the local people to support missionaries in Rwanda and from Rwanda.

“Support missionaries”

Each staff member shared at their table about the ministry that they personally are involved with, and we were all very supported by the work of other staff members, DTS students, and a team that is here from South Africa.

Etienne shares about his ministry.

This kind of event has rewards that are beyond measuring, like publicity, relationship building, and the staff feeling supported by a community.  But for the 11 staff members that participated there were some really amazing measurable effects:

• One staff member alone collected donations that evening that could cover about 2 months living expenses, and was about twice as much as we spent to make the evening happen
• one of the attendees decided to take a Discipleship Training School
• 5 staff members received new specific pledges of monthly support
• one staff member who has been rebuffed by churches in the past recieved the promise from the pastor of the church she attends that they will work towards supporting her
• one staff member was discouraged before the event: a wedding at her church meant that several people could not come, however, those that did come promised to help spread the word about what she was doing to raise funds
• although the people she invited did not know each other prior to the evening, one staff member’s table stayed about half an hour after everyone else left.  They organized themselves into a support team, complete with a plan for financial support, a chairperson, a plan to speak to others, and to meet regularly for prayer and updates!
  

  Peace shares about her work.

Now, we continue to encourage the staff to communicate, to pursue relationships, and to be intentional about raising support.  My favourite outcome of the evening is that many of the staff who were feeling hopeless about their personal support are now encouraged, and have a place to start raising funds so that they can continue the amazing work they do!

We have a goal to help develop the YWAM staff while we are here.  We are hoping to train/resource them to be better at what they do.  Raising personal support is a huge challenge for many of the staff here, for several reasons.  It is hard to talk about money.  It is difficult to try to communicate to people that you are doing ministry that it is worth investing in.  These are universal struggles for those of us who raise our own support.  But in Rwanda, there is the added challenge of being a country that has traditionally received missionaries; that has traditionally received financial support from (white) missionaries.  So the idea that you could be a Rwandan missionary takes a lot of education.  Many of our colleagues, when they have discussed support with those they know, have been told, “Come and pastor at our church, and we will give you a salary,” or “Why don’t you just get a job?”

Mike and I have set out to try to help some of the long-term staff raise their personal support.  This began with some discussion about what it means to raise your own support, why YWAM works this way, and sharing our own story of being missionaries in Canada (and facing many of the same questions and struggles that they face).  We did role-playing to practice answering some of the hard questions.  We have helped staff work on newsletters, vision statements, and prayer cards.  And we planned an event to help kick-start discussions and understanding among people who may be interested in supporting them.  (And hopefully to kickstart the donations, too: most of the staff here don’t have enough support to buy food and pay their rent, even though it is very cheap to live.)

The event is on Sunday.  We have asked each staff who wants to participate to invite 12 people to sit at a table with them for the evening (with the expectation that about 6 will come).  We will make some food from different countries and serve the meal.  People here are used to very standard food: it doesn’t vary outside of about 6 or 7 different dishes, so this will be quite an experience for many.  We are trying to keep it simple, both accounting for local taste/unadventurousness, and for the simple kitchen – curry, beef stew, chili, etc.  (I am so thankful for Mike who will oversee the cooking!)  We will speak a bit about YWAM and missions in general, and individually affirm the value of each staff member.  I have had a few cultural lessons along the way, and am probably in for a few more as the day comes (hoping that I don’t bungle anything too badly).  I am going to speak a little about it being time for the church in Rwanda to grow up and begin sending/supporting missionaries, about it being necessary that people from this country work to heal the damage that has been done in the past – physical, spiritual, and emotional.

We’ll post some pictures and let you know how it went next week!

We have made some good friends while being here.  There are a few in particular that have been a great encouragement to us!  About once a week, we get to hang out with Hope, Godfrey, Fred & Teresa at their house (which is about a 10 minute walk from us).  Hope is an American married to Godfrey (a Rwandan who does the administration for YWAM).  Fred and Teresa are from Kenya.  Hope, Fred, & Teresa run a ministry out of their home working with prostitutes and their families.  We usually cook a western-ish meal while we hang out: it is fun to hang out with people we don’t work with every day, and to cook and eat some familiar food. A few weeks ago Hope asked if we would be willing to teach some of the ladies a cooking lesson about once a month.  It could be a chance for them to learn a bit, to hang out in a positive environment, and be stretched out of their culture a bit (the food is VERY uniform here; its hard for us to imagine coming from such a multicultural home country).  So, we tried to think of something with cheap ingredients, that would be reasonable for them to cook at home, and fairly simple to teach to a group.  We agreed on a simple stirfry!  Here are some pictures:

Mike demonstrates slicing

chopping meat

Mike supervises slicing

Mike “It doesn’t matter to me how you measure the water for the rice. How do you usually do it?”

They were a little skeptical of the teriyaki sauce. “Where’s the sauce tomate?” (EVERYTHING here is cooked in tomato sauce.)

They got into a discussion about compost, so Mike explained how to start a compost heap. (And helped Teresa start one.)

Explaining how they would cook the vegetables & meat

teaching “stirring” and “frying”

I don’t have any pictures of the finished product: we were too busy serving and eating.  But it was delicious, and some of the ladies even said they were planning to make it for their families.  We’ll see.

I (Amanda) realized a few weeks ago that I am experiencing most of the signs of burnout.

It is not a fun place to be.

There are a few bits of good news:

1. Being able to name what is wrong has given me the ability to actually do something about it.
2. I am in a situation now where my responsibilities don’t run me into the ground on a daily basis.
3. The work I was doing was really worth it.

However, there are a couple side effects of burnout I am experiencing that I want to mention on the blog:

• pessimism, and the feeling like nothing we are doing has any effect
• not wanting to be with people or communicate with them

I think that that probably explains why I have struggled to post every week?  I have tried a few times, but even when I have managed to start writing, none of it seems like it is worth reading.

It is getting better, in general: it is just going to take some time.  I wanted to let you know that we haven’t abandoned the blog, and will try to post when we have news!

One of the things that has been difficult for me as I have taken people on short term missions is the lack of long term engagement.  If people haven’t been inspired into long-term missions and/or serving purposefully in their own culture, that feels like a failure on my part.  (Although I do recognize that there is only so much I can do to inspire, encourage, and motivate.)  But I have been praying to be able to work with people who are at least willing to have their lives changed by God as they learn and serve in another culture.

In January, a group of serious and passionate students arrived.  Many of them arrived with some prior missions experience.  It is encouraging and inspiring that half of them are going to continue serving in YWAM Rwanda.  It is also incredible to see that those who aren’t, are planning to make an impact in various areas of society: medicine, education, and church.  Several are beginning or continuing post-secondary education in these areas.  (YAY!) There are three former students that I will be working directly with for the next few months.  I won’t be staffing the Discipleship Training School directly, but I will be working to train, mentor, and encourage 3 wonderful ladies who are launching into longterm missions.  It is a treat to be able to continue the relationship with them after they have finished their DTS.  I have had so much training and (some) experience myself, so it is satisfying and exciting to be able to directly teach people who will be applying it directly.